The Prize

I don't often talk about my personal life on this blog. That's not what this particular web journal is for. But I'll provide just a little bit of backstory for this post.

Recently, I've been rethinking my spiruality. It's become so hard to even believe that God exists, and that's pretty basic if you're going to live your life in service to him. On Sunday, I found myself thinking about my training, about how my best training is done when I have a clear goal in mind. I want to podium in my age group at Shawnee Mission; I want to come in the top 10 women overall; I want to break 2 hours. These are very clear, specific goals, and I know that I'm going to have to work very hard to get there. And when I first began training for triathlon, it was a huge boon to my spirituality. I was able to embrace discipline and endurance in a way I'd never experienced (especially as a football player, hyuck hyuck).

Recently, I've felt myself losing focus both in my training and my spirituality. On Sunday, I actually prayed about this (which is quite a step when I'm not even sure there's a God there to hear me). I felt like I received comfort . . . I still don't know what the prize is, but I can keep running until I crest this hill and see that the race is still worth running.

And I think I just found what will reinvigorate my training. It's a video of the recent Columbia Triathlon in Columbia, Maryland. Watching those competitors arrive, greet each other, ready their equipment, swim, bike, and run . . . Seeing the spirit and the dedication, the commitment, the willful embracing of pain . . . Remembering what it means when all that hard work pays off.

I'm ready to work. Hard. And even though it's 10:45 p.m., I think I'm going to head out to the 24-hour gym and get in those workouts I skipped today because of the wind.

I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize
Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside, out of my way

(By the way, my favorite part of that video is when the woman asks how much time she has left, then replies, "2 minutes?! Eee!")